


Hold My Hand

by five_of_five



Series: Bottom of the River [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, izzy does not have time for your self-sacrificial bullshit alec, spoilers for episode 2x02, spoilers for previews from 2x03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 20:22:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9341732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/five_of_five/pseuds/five_of_five
Summary: The seizure stops as suddenly as it had begun, Izzy takes a shuddering breath, releasing Alec’s shoulders and removing her knee from where it had been pinning down his thigh. Jocelyn is similarly shaken; moving off of Alec’s other side where she had been assisting in trying to hold Alec still during the attack.“Isabelle, I’m sorry, I-”“Shut up.” Izzy snaps, silencing Jocelyn. “Just shut your mouth, keep out of the way, and try not to murder anyone else in my family.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't watched the Parabatai Lost promo, [do so](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03HTnHotdSg), or be spoiled. It's your life, I'm not your mother.
> 
> I wouldn't be in this fandom if it weren't for [StarWitness42](http://archiveofourown.org/users/StarWitness42/pseuds/StarWitness42), so sweetie. This is all your fault. Thank you for my shiny new obsession, I love you and I am so grateful for the madness that is now in my life! This angst is for you *smooches*

The seizure stops as suddenly as it had begun, Izzy takes a shuddering breath, releasing Alec’s shoulders and removing her knee from where it had been pinning down his thigh. Jocelyn is similarly shaken; moving off of Alec’s other side where she had been assisting in trying to hold Alec still during the attack.

“Isabelle, I’m sorry, I-”

“Shut up.” Izzy snaps, silencing Jocelyn. “Just shut your mouth, keep out of the way, and try not to murder anyone else in my family.”

Jocelyn swallows down a reply and moves to pick up the stone from where Alec had dropped it during his fucking search for Jace.

“Don’t,” Izzy commands, moving in front of Jocelyn. “Magnus might need that to fix what you’ve done.”

Izzy can see the protest start to form on Jocelyn’s lips which changes into a sigh when she looks back at Alec’s blood streaked face.

“Just don’t let Aldertree know where he got it from. Please. Not for my sake, for Luke.”

Izzy nods once, sharply and Jocelyn is gone. Fucking finally.

Turning quickly Izzy grabs the stone and sets it on Alec’s nightstand, picking up his cell in the same movement. She’s already wasted too much time on Jocelyn fucking Fray-Fairchild and her need to be the center of drama when Alec is lying two feet away from them fucking dying. Izzy understands for a brief moment why Alec is always so angry at Clary, if she hadn’t run off and gotten kidnapped her mother never would have brought them that stone and Alec wouldn’t be in this situation now.

Blinking back tears, she gently lifts her brother’s limp hand in her own pressing his thumb against the “home” button on his phone, quickly unlocking the device. Izzy doesn’t waste time, scrolling through Alec’s contacts with one hand, the other still tangled in her brother’s lax hold. Guilt warring with grief, as she tries to contain the avalanche of conflicting emotions threatening to bury her; Izzy breathes through the panic, steadying her nerves.

She stops at Magnus’ number, smiling briefly at the picture Alec has of the warlock. Izzy doubts very much that Alec took the picture, it looks more like a selfie, and she can’t help but wonder at how Magnus managed that. Did he steal her brother’s phone to take a picture of himself? Did Magnus ask for the phone only so he could make sure Alec had a picture of him to add to his contact information? When did it happen? She doesn’t recognize the shirt she can see Magnus wearing so it wasn’t one of the times they were all together, but she does see a tumbler of some sort of alcohol in Magnus’ other hand. Perhaps the night Alec stayed over when Alec told her that Magnus made cocktails and she didn’t see her brother until the next morning.

It’s such a little detail to wonder about, to obsess over, but as she stands there, the seconds ticking away in the back of her mind; she can’t help the constricting feeling around her heart as she realizes that this is one area of her brother’s life where she isn’t welcome. He doesn’t want her to know if Magnus fills his phone with selfies. Alec doesn’t invite questions about what he does when he goes to see Magnus, or if he’s ready for a relationship after one kiss and a failed wedding to someone else. The vice in her chest tightens and Isabelle breathes through the pain, just as she has been taught to do, staring at the smiling picture of a man her brother may well love and tries not to hate Alec.

There it is.

The feeling she’s been battling against since Alec told her that he couldn’t live without Jace. She’s been lashing out at everyone to avoid this. The realization she’s been fighting against since the words “he needs me Iz and I can’t- I can’t live without him” had passed Alec’s lips. Because Alec may need Jace, he may not be able to live without Jace, but where does that leave her?

She needs Alec, and she may be able to live without him, but that doesn’t mean that she wants to. Who gave him the fucking right to throw his life away without thinking about her, not once? What right does he have to leave her alone?

Izzy looks down at the smiling picture of Magnus again, what right does Alec have to leave _them_ alone?

She brings the hand still holding Alec’s up to brush away the lone tear that has escaped her iron control and presses the call button, resting her cheek briefly against Alec’s hand before standing tall. Izzy straightens her spine and readies herself to break Magnus’ heart. She knows calling from Alec’s phone is cruel, but she also knows that Magnus is the High Warlock of Brooklyn and you don’t get that title by being available to any Shadowhunter who happens to have your number. Izzy doesn’t have time for Magnus to screen his calls, and if she’s certain of one thing in her life right now, it’s that Magnus will answer if he sees Alec is the one calling.

Izzy also knows what it will do to him to have her speak instead of her brother, the pain of not knowing for those few seconds if Izzy is calling because Alec is dead or merely injured. But she doesn’t have time for kindness.

“He needs me Iz, and I can’t- I can’t live without him.”

“We can’t live without you either, asshole,” Izzy whispers just before the ringing in her ears stops.


End file.
